Big Oil in the Parliament of Whores

The Senate, unwilling to let the House continue their unprecedented run of unhinged, irrational and childish behavior unaccompanied, hauled before them the leaders of Big Oil and strapped them to the whipping post for a public flogging on Capitol Hill, yesterday.

In a regrettable affront to 3rd graders everywhere, we imagine the leaders of Big Oil trying to explain global market dynamics as it relates to oil, would be like talking to a roomful of schoolchildren who haven’t yet been put down for their nap.

Typical of the exchanges between the petrol evil-doers and Congress:

Big Oil…

Lee R. Raymond, Exxon's chairman and chief executive, said that the industry's profits, measured as a share of its revenue, were no greater than those in other industries. We are in line with the average of all U.S. industry," Mr. Raymond said. "Our numbers are huge because the scale of our industry is huge. How are these earnings used? We invest to run our global operations, to develop future supply, to advance energy-producing and -saving technologies, and to meet our obligations to millions of our shareholders."

And the Senate…

“None of us knows much about pricing…” Senator Byron L. Dorgan of North Dakota.

Of course, this harangue-op will do absolutely nothing to lower the price of oil nor will it do anything to bring more of the world’s currently most economically feasible energy commodity to market. It won’t… we promise.

Full story here.


Some of the planet's perturbed, scaring children and crinkling noses at the hearings yesterday.

House Passes Alternative Energy Bill

We’re confident Congress was merely acting in a symbolic fashion. If by symbolic one means “useless”, “pointless”, “counter-productive”, “a fool’s errand”, and “completely void of any reason, logic or rationality”

In more bipartisanship run amok, the House voted to approve a measure that will be sure to lower gas prices. You see, by an overwhelming 324-84 vote, the House has decided that in addition to burning food and not seeking to expand domestic oil production, another source of cheap, alternative energy is… litigation.

That’s right. The House has responded to this energy crunch by granting the themselves the right to sue OPEC and anyone else they feel is charging us too much at the pump. This piece of legislation also sets up a Justice Department task force that will investigate and root-out any suspected petrol evil-doers.

As sponsor of the legislation, Steve Kagen of Wisconsin stated, “This bill guarantees that oil prices will reflect supply and demand economic rules, instead of wildly speculative and perhaps illegal activities". We so didn’t make that up. Dude really said that.

Honestly, its embarrassing. These people are charged with generating, deliberating upon and passing legislation that is for the betterment of the people and of the Republic and conversely, rejecting that which is not, and this… this is the best they could come up with.

Then again, what would one expect from a body that has a collective approval rating a full 11 points lower than “the Worst President Ever”.