Do you know why "capitalism" didn't fail...?

Two words: Wells Fargo

The chief executives of the nine largest banks in the United States trooped into a gilded conference room at the Treasury Department at 3 p.m. Monday. To their astonishment, they were each handed a one-page document that said they agreed to sell shares to the government, then Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said they must sign it before they left.

The chairman of JPMorgan Chase, Jamie Dimon, was receptive, saying he thought the deal looked pretty good once he ran the numbers through his head. The chairman of Wells Fargo, Richard Kovacevich, protested strongly that, unlike his New York rivals, his bank was not in trouble because of investments in exotic mortgages and did not need a bailout, people briefed on the meeting said.

That was the setting late yesterday afternoon at the Treasury Department where, like a scene from a gangster flick, SecTres, Henry Paulson made the CEOs of the nine largest banking institutions an offer they couldn’t refuse by “offering” to buy stock in the banks.

And did you get that? Wells Fargo didn’t even need or want the bailout but wound up capitulating in the end under the pressure of Paulson and the other 8 banks.

At the wave of his hand, Paulson commits the government to another $2.25 trillion in the form of capital infusion, insuring senior debt issued by the banks and insuring deposits in non-interest bearing accounts. Of course, this is triple the size of the original $700 billion bailout package upon which there was actually a vote.

Originally, the buzz surrounding this latest bailout was that it was going to be voluntary – banks that did not wish to participate would not have to. Uh, yeah. Obviously, there was no way in hell, Kovacevich was going to get out of that meeting alive without signing on. You just can’t have a solvent institution like Wells Fargo thumbing their nose at the government and the other Big Boys and still maintain the façade of an all-emcompassing financial crisis. Fall in line, boys…

A couple of weeks back, we were talking to our banker…. from Wells Fargo. We asked her about this whole mess and she told us that during the housing boom she got frustrated when she saw competing banks snatch up a lot of the mortgage lending business and yes, she was aware that Wells never offered the greatest rates of return on a lot of their banking and investment plans but that fiscal responsibility was always one of the institutions top priorities.

We don’t want to do any cheerleading but here is a perfect case of a financial institution operating in the free market, providing a service to its customers in the form of investment opportunities and capital for home and small business loans all the while turning a profit for its shareholders. All of that was accomplished in a responsible and sober manner and as a result, they are on solid footing.

Not that that matters anymore...

Yeah, but Can He Scheme Against the Blitz!

A year ago was the height of that craze of compiling “A as B” comparisons, as in “’Cheers' characters as U.S. Congressmen” or “Simpson characters as College football programs”. Not wanting to be left out of this cultural phenomena, we tried our hand at “Godfather triology characters as College football programs”.

Disclosure: We made this list a year ago before the season but preserved it for posterity and to see which comparisons still fit.

"Connie" as Miami (Florida): A semi-attractive, sloppy-drunk irrelevant ho early in life suddenly transformed in the 80s to a high profile, ass-kicking, law-breaking loyal defender of the Family, even when some in the Family (Vincent in III) screw up. "Ain't nuthin' matters but this U!". (ed. note: Slipping a bit. Need to get the fire back under new head coach Randy Shannon)

"Fredo" as Rutgers: With everything going for him, should be way better than he is, other, than the fact that its, oh yeah, still.. just.. Fredo. Gets brushed aside by younger, more capable sibling. USC fans may readily substitute UCLA here, as well. (ed. note: This changed a bit, now didn’t it? Perhaps substitute Arizona St. for Rutgers and for this year at least, strike that UCLA comparison altogether.)

"Vito Corleone" as Notre Dame: Despite the occasional periods of mediocrity and the appearance of fading, the old fat-man can still throw his weight around when need be. He is afterall, the God Father. (ed. note: another thrashing in a Bowl game may get this one struck. Take heed Domers)

"Sonny Corleone" as Fresno St.: The brash, smash-mouth, hot-head who will take on anyone, anywhere (got garbage can?) but yet gets whacked unexpectedly (those late-season conference losses every year are a pain) denying him the mantle of greatness.

"Tom Hagen" (Corleone family counsel) as Iowa: Calm, cool, collected. Stays above the fray and just keeps winning, though, not in spectacular fashion. Is not possessing the blood lines (see instead Michigan and Ohio St.) so will never be head of the Family but very good just the same.

"Michael Corleone" in GF III as Florida St.: Former heavyweight who has slipped. Wants to go clean but can never quite make the break he has hoped for. Despite all the talent around him, he is beset by corporate indecision and mistakes made by those inside the family (Jeff Bowden as Vincent and/or Connie). (ed. note: Bowden is gone. We’ll see if new O-Con Jimbo Fisher can revitalize the stagnant Seminole offense)

Sofia Coppola playing "Mary Corleone" as Temple: "What the hell is she doing in this movie?" See also, Stanford. As in, "What the hell is the band doing out on the field?" All the while wondering whether Vincent hit his cousin Mary like Kevin Moen hit that Stanford trombone player some 25 years ago.

"Joey Zasa" in GF III as Pac-10 runner-ups of recent vintage: Ungrateful upstart with a chip on his shoulder. Thinks he deserves more (BCS) respect than is due which leads him to overestimate his capabilities and thusly to an unceremonious whacking at the hands of a perceived inferior opponent. "Joey (Blam!-Blam!) Za-sa" (Please see Oregon and Cal performances in two of last three Holiday Bowls).

"Senator Pat Geary" as Ohio St. - Powerful Senator from Nevada whose clean-cut, family-values image (did anyone actually buy into those ties and sweater vests Jim Tressel wears?) is belied by a culture of sleaze and corruption underneath the surface. "Fredo, is that thing for real?". "They don't call him Superman for nuthin, Senator."

"Anthony Vito Corleone" as Duke's hoops program: Michael's clean-living, good-looking son who wants nothing to do with the dreadful family business. In fact, wants to get away from it so bad, takes up and excels at an entirely different profession performing in front of adoring, enthusiastic fans.

Special non-Godfather Addendum:

Tawny Kitaen as Syracuse: "She used to be pretty hot - what the heck happened to her?"

Clint Eastwood’s character in his Spaghetti Westerns as USC: Bad-ass, no-name (on back of jersey) who rides into town, steals the mayor’s wife, wreaks havoc and destruction all around and just as calmly rides back out of town. (Status: Pending. Take care of business in-conference this year and kick LSU’s, Texas’, Michigan’s or whoever’s rear end in the BCS championship and the title is yours o men of Troy)