Yeah, but Can He Scheme Against the Blitz!

A year ago was the height of that craze of compiling “A as B” comparisons, as in “’Cheers' characters as U.S. Congressmen” or “Simpson characters as College football programs”. Not wanting to be left out of this cultural phenomena, we tried our hand at “Godfather triology characters as College football programs”.

Disclosure: We made this list a year ago before the season but preserved it for posterity and to see which comparisons still fit.

"Connie" as Miami (Florida): A semi-attractive, sloppy-drunk irrelevant ho early in life suddenly transformed in the 80s to a high profile, ass-kicking, law-breaking loyal defender of the Family, even when some in the Family (Vincent in III) screw up. "Ain't nuthin' matters but this U!". (ed. note: Slipping a bit. Need to get the fire back under new head coach Randy Shannon)

"Fredo" as Rutgers: With everything going for him, should be way better than he is, other, than the fact that its, oh yeah, still.. just.. Fredo. Gets brushed aside by younger, more capable sibling. USC fans may readily substitute UCLA here, as well. (ed. note: This changed a bit, now didn’t it? Perhaps substitute Arizona St. for Rutgers and for this year at least, strike that UCLA comparison altogether.)

"Vito Corleone" as Notre Dame: Despite the occasional periods of mediocrity and the appearance of fading, the old fat-man can still throw his weight around when need be. He is afterall, the God Father. (ed. note: another thrashing in a Bowl game may get this one struck. Take heed Domers)

"Sonny Corleone" as Fresno St.: The brash, smash-mouth, hot-head who will take on anyone, anywhere (got garbage can?) but yet gets whacked unexpectedly (those late-season conference losses every year are a pain) denying him the mantle of greatness.

"Tom Hagen" (Corleone family counsel) as Iowa: Calm, cool, collected. Stays above the fray and just keeps winning, though, not in spectacular fashion. Is not possessing the blood lines (see instead Michigan and Ohio St.) so will never be head of the Family but very good just the same.

"Michael Corleone" in GF III as Florida St.: Former heavyweight who has slipped. Wants to go clean but can never quite make the break he has hoped for. Despite all the talent around him, he is beset by corporate indecision and mistakes made by those inside the family (Jeff Bowden as Vincent and/or Connie). (ed. note: Bowden is gone. We’ll see if new O-Con Jimbo Fisher can revitalize the stagnant Seminole offense)

Sofia Coppola playing "Mary Corleone" as Temple: "What the hell is she doing in this movie?" See also, Stanford. As in, "What the hell is the band doing out on the field?" All the while wondering whether Vincent hit his cousin Mary like Kevin Moen hit that Stanford trombone player some 25 years ago.

"Joey Zasa" in GF III as Pac-10 runner-ups of recent vintage: Ungrateful upstart with a chip on his shoulder. Thinks he deserves more (BCS) respect than is due which leads him to overestimate his capabilities and thusly to an unceremonious whacking at the hands of a perceived inferior opponent. "Joey (Blam!-Blam!) Za-sa" (Please see Oregon and Cal performances in two of last three Holiday Bowls).

"Senator Pat Geary" as Ohio St. - Powerful Senator from Nevada whose clean-cut, family-values image (did anyone actually buy into those ties and sweater vests Jim Tressel wears?) is belied by a culture of sleaze and corruption underneath the surface. "Fredo, is that thing for real?". "They don't call him Superman for nuthin, Senator."

"Anthony Vito Corleone" as Duke's hoops program: Michael's clean-living, good-looking son who wants nothing to do with the dreadful family business. In fact, wants to get away from it so bad, takes up and excels at an entirely different profession performing in front of adoring, enthusiastic fans.

Special non-Godfather Addendum:

Tawny Kitaen as Syracuse: "She used to be pretty hot - what the heck happened to her?"

Clint Eastwood’s character in his Spaghetti Westerns as USC: Bad-ass, no-name (on back of jersey) who rides into town, steals the mayor’s wife, wreaks havoc and destruction all around and just as calmly rides back out of town. (Status: Pending. Take care of business in-conference this year and kick LSU’s, Texas’, Michigan’s or whoever’s rear end in the BCS championship and the title is yours o men of Troy)