Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Smack of the day

Ordinarily, we would just link you to the piece right away but we decided to cut'n'paste first vast swaths of his verbage because it's just too doggone important. Besides, we don't trust you.


But Congressman Weiner then retreated from the sinister hacking line, and protested that all this fuss about a mere “prank” involving a “randy photo” (his words) was an “unfortunate distraction” from real issues like raising the debt ceiling. Like Bill Clinton in the Nineties, Rep Weiner needs to “get back to work for the American people.”

It’s the political class doing all this relentless “work for the American people” that’s turned this country into the brokest nation in the history of the planet, killed the American Dream, and left the American people headed for a future poised somewhere between the Weimar Republic and Mad Max. So, if it’s a choice between politicians getting back to work for the American people or tweeting their privates round the planet, I say, tweet on, MacDuff. Tough on our young college ladies. But, as Queen Victoria advised her daughter on her wedding night, lie back and think of England. Download and think of America.

. . .



Between Occam’s Razor (it’s Weiner’s junk, and he tweeted it) and Occam’s Lip-Syncher (the ghost-tweeter did it) lies a third possibility — that the tweets aren’t by Weiner but the Twitpic crotch shot to the cute co-ed is. The republic’s “citizen-legislators” do hardly anything for themselves these days, starting with reading the thousand-page legislation they cheerily pass, but if they can’t even perform their own sex scandals there really is no point to them. For the last quarter of 2010, Weiner listed 19 staffers, a few with highly specific job descriptions (“Deputy Director of Immigration Affairs”) but most with the kind of blandly nebulous titles (“Staff Assistant”) that could cover almost anything, including in-house ghost-tweeting. For the sake of argument, let us take it as read that American men are e-mailing their genitals across the fruited plain all day long, and that in the nature of these things one or two attachments go awry and wind up in the inbox of the elderly spinster who runs the quilting bee and you have to make a rather sheepish apology. Congressmen are among the few in this land who, in such a situation, can breezily say, as Weiner did to CNN’s Dana Bash, “You have statements that my office has put out.” Herein lies the full horror of American politics in the death throes of the republic: A congressman has nothing better to do of an evening than tweet his crotch to coeds, but he requires an “office” with “staffers” to “put out” “statements” on the subject.


When Weiners have staffers, it’s very difficult to have limited government: You cannot have a small state run by big Weiners. If you require an “office” to issue “statements” about your tweets, it’s hardly surprising you’re indifferent to statist bloat elsewhere.



Let's see... P.J. O'Rourke, Iowahawk and Mark Steyn. Yeah, that about covers it.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Urban Dictionary term of the day




Carbon Soldiers


(n): Slang term for children, kids, offspring and rugrats.




"I don't have any little carbon soldiers yet but maybe in the not so distant future."

"Yes he is my little carbon soldier."





We find great humor in the contributor feeling compelled to inform us that an entry in Urban Dictionary is "slang".

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Jesus is coming.... look busy

A naval interceptor rocket accidentally targeted and blew up the returning Jesus Christ during a morning test over the Pacific, setting off some kind of retaliatory offensive by the host of heaven.


General Jason Gruntsworthy, head of the Anti-ballistic Missile Shield program, declined comment at first, then said "God, what a mess."


“On our screens, Jesus looked suspiciously like a Chinese MIRV-9 nucular missile, which is frankly an easy mistake to make. The real surprise is that we actually hit something.”


Following the explosion, burning radioactive pieces of Jesus rained down over a wide area of the western seaboard, causing spot fires and random miracles. NASA has asked that the debris not be touched or collected as souvenirs.


While the General described the situation as unfortunate, he remained optimistic. “We do apologize for the collateral and spiritual damage this has caused, but we would like to point out that in the War on Terror, you can't take risks. And hey, it finally works!”

More here from the Wittenburg Door. What the Onion might look like if run by good-humored descendants of long-haired Jesus types. Joe Bob Briggs, the host of the now-defunct, MonsterVision (the Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the trailer park set) is a contributor.