Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch....

"...‘millipede’, ‘spigot’, ‘curvaceous’, vivacious’, ‘shade tree’, ‘cool breeze’, ‘bill of lading’, and of course, ‘socialist’, ‘street corner, ‘anthropod’, ‘Geico customer’, ‘hard hat’, ‘steel-toe safety shoes’, ‘wire-rim glasses’, ‘Cheech’, ‘Chong’, ‘Return to the Valley of the Dolls’, ‘Ring of Fire’, ‘cyclical’, ‘cynical’, ‘biblical’, ……

….’Coach Janky Spanky’, ‘Dr. Dooitch Bigg’, ‘random acts of kindness’, ‘quatrain’, ‘Coltraine’, 'Train in Vain' 'Ron Cey', 'Ron Mexico', 'Ron Turner', 'Bachman-Turner Overdrive', ‘polling data’, ‘double digit inflation’, ‘triple-digit, I.Q., ‘single-digit interest rates’, ‘Tony Romo’, ‘FDR’, ‘JFK’, ‘HUD’, ‘HHS’….”

(lone remaining reporter): “Uhh, governor… excuse me... excuse me, governor but the state of New York faces a historically unprecedented 4-year budget deficit of $47 billion which is $20 billion higher than projected since you started these remarks a couple of months ago."

Patterson: “What? Oh yeah, that’s correct. That’s why I’m going to Washington to get my marker in for federal aid. Everyone realizes the Big Apple is the engine that drives this nation’s financial sector and with the hit we’ve taken… well, let’s just say that I’m losing my ass big-time without that white collar tax revenue and I need a little somethin’-somethin’ to fund Medicaid and the state’s unemployment insurance."

Reporter: "Are you worried that after the Big Three auto manufacturers have come to Washington with their hat in hand that the public might be tired of these bailouts?"

Patterson: "They have?"

Reporter: "Who? The public?"

Patterson: "No, the Big Three."

Reporter: "Yep."

Patterson: “Well, damn. I gotta on a roll there and kinda lost track of time. Hey, at least I’ll be the first state in line for a federal handout…. I’ll beat that chump Schwarzenegger to the trough who will probably be whining about a slumping movie industry or illegal immigration or something like that. Besides, I want to do it here in short order. Groveling by the light of the Holiday tree just appears unseemly."

Reporter: "How much are you going to ask for, governor?"

Patterson: "I don’t want to be too direct… but I was thinking of something well below most of the other bail outs to not draw too much attention to our plight but also a nice round number like… $89 billion. Whaddya think?"

Reporter: “Whatever you say, gov’. So when are you going up to the Hill?”

Patterson: “Tomorrow”

Reporter (playfully): “So no big plans for tonight?”

Patterson: “Very funny, wise guy. Listen, when I got into this business of “public service” there was quite a bit of quid for the quo, if you know what I mean but Spitzer had to go and screw the whole deal up. Hookers…? Please."

Reporter: “Good night, then, governor.”

Patterson: “Late’…”

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