Presidential Handicapping

O.K., I admit it, I can’t predict who is going to win the nominations of the major parties, but I will make some fearless predictions on who won’t.

John McCain. Whenever I listen to John McCain speak, I can’t shake the mental image of Humphrey Bogart as Captain Queeg in the “Caine Mutiny” complete with twin metal marbles, looking for the missing strawberries. No way will the American people trust this guy with the button. You just know this guy is ready to snap.

Barrack Hussein Obama? Are you kidding me? Still too soon after 9/11. Too much unease with his names. (Osama-Obama, did I have to spell it out?) Also, he’s way too nice; his Democrat opponent is Hillary, after all. If things look close, look for the long knives to come out and Mr. Obama to be figuratively in a pool of blood on the floor before he knows what happened.

Ron Paul. I love this guy, even voted for him for President once before, way back in 1988. But there is a reason no other Republican candidate is advocating
immediate withdrawal from Iraq. It is a losing proposition, politically and historically, and the Republican base knows it. But maybe if he can gather enough support, the Republican leadership might remember that advocating and delivering smaller government actually wins elections (I’m thinking Ronald Reagan, I’m thinking, 1994 congressional elections.)

Of course, don't take my handicapping seriously. My long track record of not understanding the voting populous started at an early age. I remember toddling after my Mom as she did volunteer work for the Goldwater campaign. Living in Orange County at the time (it wasn't the O.C. yet and it definitely wasn't cool) I met no one who wasn't voting for Barry. I even remember the AuH2O bumper sticker that appealed to the budding geek in me.Needless to say, I was shocked when Johnson won. "But Mommy," I said, "the Democrats must have cheated. We don’t know anyone who voted for Johnson.” “Not this time,” my Mom patiently replied, “it was a landslide.”To this day, Barry Goldwater is my favorite presidential candidate among those I can actually remember.